My Journey Blog - Shannon M's Story

Hii my name is Shannon and my son is Lennon who is two and I am also currently 25 weeks pregnant with a little bubba! Me and my partner graham have been together about 4 years so we really haven’t wasted anytime. I’m currently doing an access course at college studying health professionals. Honestly one of the best things I’ve done after being out of education for 6 years.

Having Lennon was literally the best thing that ever happened to me but the start of my motherhood journey was not at the best stage in life. I had the smoothest pregnancy but me and my partner were still adjusting to the fact we were going to be parents, we had only been together 8 months! We moved into our own home together in August and Lennon was here in December. Two of the biggest life changes happened to us in such a short space of time, we were both wild party animals having a baby together and moving from our parents homes in to our own! My labour was over 24 hours, Lennon was back to back to I was rushed down to theatre for a forceps delivery. I wasn’t even scared I was just exhausted. When they handed me Lennon I just could not believe I was a mom it was so crazy to me. I had to stay in hospital for 5 days as I had suspected sepsis in labour and it was just me, Graham and this precious little boy it was like a love bubble even though we were in hospital. Once we returned home the following few months were great! It wasn't until Lennon was around 5 months I started getting really depressed and drinking a lot more than usual. I have always suffered with anxiety and panic attacks, since I was around 6 years old and I could just feel myself slipping into sheer panic a lot of the time. It was just me and this little boy at home as graham worked 5 days a week and all my family who only lived around the corner all worked as well. It was lonely, really lonely. Being the first one out of all my close friends to have a child I felt like I didn’t have much to relate to and didn’t want tell them about how low I was feeling because I always thought you were meant to feel like you are so happy and life is just amazing because Lennon was. Lennon is honestly so amazing and I just felt like I was letting him down because I couldn’t explain why I was feeling this way. It's only now that I realise, I was definitely suffering with postnatal depression. I am so lucky to of had the help of family and friends around me to make me snap out of the way I was feeling. It wasn't until August last year that I really felt back to being myself. Having a baby is a major life change that no one can really ever prepare you for and I felt that I only ever wanted to be the best person I could be for my son. That’s when I decided last September to go back to college to be the best version of myself for Lennon and now this new little bubba coming along. I put Lennon into nursery a day and a half a week while I’m at college and I have noticed such a change, he is making new friends and so am I! And they are also moms as well, moms that are at college doing what I’m doing, trying to be the best momma they can be. I think if I could go back and give myself advice and I’m definitely listening to it, especially with having the next baby is to stop trying to make everything perfect. Mine and Graham’s relationship isn’t always perfect, sometimes we make mistakes as parents, we might not have the best home. But stop trying to rush everything and just take a step back and realise how blessed I am to have an amazing little boy and a new baby boy or girl soon. Mom guilt will always be there and it’s normal to feel low some days and feel like you're doing a terrible job but you're not! You're learning just like every other momma did!