Whether you are a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, your children were planned or surprises. Whether you have had fertility treatments, have had a rainbow baby, are a brand-new mama or mom to a toddler, have got 3 kids or 1. We all have or will experience those ‘I JUST CAN’T’ days. You know the days where you haven’t had anywhere near enough sleep, the laundry needs doing, your hair has been in a messy bun for what feels like a year and it feels like every single thing that your child or children do is purposely done to make your life hell. Where you go way past your breaking point and have an adult sized tantrum because ‘YOU JUST CAN’T’ and then automatically feel that all-consuming mom guilt begin to creep in and end up a snotty mess. Those are the days I am talking about. Unfortunately, I can’t give you a secret, magic formula that will make those days disappear. What I hope I can give you is some reassurance that you aren’t alone and a bit of advice on how to mentally recover from those kinds of days.
Try to avoid comparing yourself to others - motherhood is hard work! Regardless of your journey. However, what we often tend to do, especially on these ‘I JUST CAN’T’ days is compare our worst days with someone else’s good days, which of course is going to make us feel inadequate. Our motherhood journey is exactly that...ours and our traumas, experiences and parenting style are all unique to us. So cut yourself some slack and try to challenge that little voice in your head that says you aren’t good enough, because you are way more than enough, on every day.
Validate your feelings – One of the most damaging things we can do is believe that we aren’t allowed to feel anything other than love and gratefulness. Imagine if you went for a job interview and they said to you that you had to work 24 hours a day, with no breaks and no annual leave, you are still expected to work even when you are ill and you have to have a smile on your face at all times! You would think they were insane! But yet that is what motherhood is. You do not need to be grateful during every second of motherhood. Its Ok to feel other emotions such as anger, resentment, fear and defeat. Just don’t let them consume you.
Treat yourself to a self-care activity – often when we have these days, it is a build-up of emotions and is what is known as burn out. I know this is not possible for all mama’s, but if you are fortunate to be able to try and take an hour when someone else is able to watch the kids for you on those ‘I just can’t’ days and do something for you. Whether it is reading a chapter of your favourite book, having a bath or just simply listening to music, whatever it is that helps you recharge your batteries.
Start fresh tomorrow - tomorrow is a new day. So, if you are having a really tough day, the worst thing we can do it to try and force ourselves to still complete the never ending to do lists that we have...nobody’s arm is going to fall off if the laundry gets done a day late! If all you can manage today is making sure that both you and the kids are fed, that’s Ok. Don’t beat yourself up for it tomorrow, accept yesterday was a hard day but today I can start again.
What do you find helps you when you are having a ‘I JUST CAN’T’ day? Log in to leave a comment